the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
