So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize