I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
