seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
zippers are such a cool invention
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
