i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
