I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize