there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
