We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
