So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
