On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Randomize
