My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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