so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
