how hairy? two words: wookie tits
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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