I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
