U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I could fuck to npr.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
