so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
