no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
