The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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