Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
