My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
