I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
