ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize