She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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