Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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