A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
