I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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