I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize