I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
