Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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