one two three fourrrrnication!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There's always time for handjobs
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
