I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
