If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
