does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
