I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
