Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
