New invention idea: vibrating tampons
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You made out with two different species that night
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
