Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Holy sore nipples Batman
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
