He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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