pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize