coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
