We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
