turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
