I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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