I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
