Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
