I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
