apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
