hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
