& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
