you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
