We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
