Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
