i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
