You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
