Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
