Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
