If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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