And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
