I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
