The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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