One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
