Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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