I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
