i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
