I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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