I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
