would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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